if i were to die today............ what would i feel? why do i fear so much? ..............................................................

My puppy wrote the following poem for me:

where's my kitty?
where's my kitty?
where's my kitty cat?

she's my kitty
my silly kitty
my pretty kitty cat

she skips and jumps in circles
and she dances on my head
she doesn't like to work at all
she likes to sleep in bed

she's my sillee... poopee... kitty... cat!

i'm still amazed time and time again on how stupid the human race can get. to think that after a few billion years of evolution, after decades of education, people still act the way they do. OMG. i'm not even talking about people who didnt get to go to school, i'm talking about educated adults, some even holding full professorships and phds. anyway, a little rant on stupid people. why why why?

i've also invented a new sound for sheeps - specifically sheeps that mages sheep... it goes like this "Gah... Bah..."

tata

Kung Fu do what you do to me
I haven't been the same since my teenage lobotomy
Full on, I moved to Hong Kong
With Bruce Lee's brother and Johnny Wong

I think it's strange
He's friends with Fu Manchu
And he thinks he knows you
Uh uh uh uh uh oh
Oh Daniel San made in Taiwan
Come on Jackie Chan
Uh uh uh uh uh oh

Last night Jackie Chan came around
I played pool with him and we hung out
Mr. Miagi and the X-men
Called in for a while as well

Kung Fu do what you do to me
I can't live without my Kung Fu movies
'Shanghai Killers' and 'Deadly Road'
My life was ruined when the Green Dragon closed

I'm awfully wary of anyone who lists "What the bleep do we know?" as one of their favourite movies. A movie - some fiction, some fact, some really lousy acting, questionable critics and evidence mixing quantum physics and spirituality up. I was incredibly intrigued initially, so when I saw the dvd in JB, I bought it. Hehe. The movie started off fine and then got incrediby bizarre and weird out. Amos and I did some research online and the movie is pretty skewed - see quotes below.

Anyway, someone from Zaadz invited me to join his discussion group or something like that on "What the bleep do we know?"... One of the subject links was on how the movie changed their lives. Zaadz is a friendster-type thing that Saufen invited me to join. I haven't got the time to play around with it yet but in general, its people interested in natural living, in meditation and spirituality, in making the world a better place etc. The website also lists "What the bleep..." as one of their members' favourite movies. !!?? People should just be a little aware on what they indulge in. I know I'm awfully guilty of believing in lots of mambo jambo as well...

Don't waste your time watching this movie......

"The film has received widespread criticism from physicists. Physicists claim that the movie grossly misrepresents the meaning of quantum mechanics, and in fact is pseudoscience."

"David Albert, a philosopher of physics and professor at Columbia University, speaks frequently throughout the movie. While it may appear as though he supports the ideas that are presented in the movie, according to a Popular Science article, he is "outraged at the final product." The article states that Albert granted the filmmakers a near-four hour interview about quantum mechanics being unrelated to consciousness or spirituality. His interview was then edited and incorporated into the film in a way that misrepresented his views. In the article, Albert also expresses his feelings of gullibility after having been "taken" by the filmmakers. Although noted that Albert is listed as a scientist taking part in the sequel to What the Bleep, called "Down the Rabbit Hole", it should also be noted that this sequel is a "director's cut", composed of extra footage from the filming of the first movie."

"JZ Knight/Ramtha appears frequently in the film as a scientist or spiritual teacher of some kind. By the end of the film, during the credits, she is identified as the spirit "Ramtha" who is being "channeled" by "JZ Knight.". Knight was born Judith Darlene Hampton in Roswell, New Mexico. The spirit, Ramtha, whom she claims to channel, is "a 35,000 year-old warrior spirit from the lost continent of Lemuria and one of the Ascended Masters." (Knight speaks with an accent because English is not Ramtha's first language.)"

I thought I'll add in a little note... Before, you start thinking that I'm this sex-crazed-addicted girl, I'm actually quite un-sexed for someone who talks a lot about sex. Hmmm... A dislaimer of sorts. Haha.

I'm sleep-deprived this morning... Why do I need so much sleep??? *yawn*

I owe my mum loads of money! Eeks. I asked Amos when was the first time he masturbated. Haha! Well, it's just interesting how we all stumble upon it. For myself, it was an accident and didn't even realise that it was masturbation till a year later or something. That shows that it's natural right? So if masturbation is sinful and forbidden by God... those poor Christians... I'm sure they do it, come on... Great thing about masturbation is that you can moan all you want, remember to close the doors lah, and you can control the intensity, the pressure, the speed etc. Not that I'm giving up on sex lah... but the topic today is masturbation. Excessive masturbation is not good... Too much of anything is not good, but the most important point is that it will not be as pleasurable as it can be. PLEASURE.DELAYER.

A good masturbation exercise would include not having masturbated for at least a week. That way, you're really horny. You should psych yourself even more during the day before you do it, by mind-fucking and indulging in lots of delicious fantasies. You should preferably be naked, but whatever makes you happy. Make sure the door is locked so that your parents etc will not barge in just as you're climaxing. Private space, burn some candles. The night is all yours, baby. Then you get down to the deed. Lots of ways to masturbate but choose the one that's most suited for you, or if you want to experiment, go ahead. Little touches, images, varied situations, whatever turns you on. Hold back a little, so you build the pressure up. Remember - Pleasure Delayer. And when you poor thing, can't take it anymore, let it all go. Ah ah ah!

Anyway, I'm sure you know all these things already... I remember once when I was younger, I had this absolutely lovely mind-fuck while in the kitchen and totally underestimated the pleasure. My knees buckled from the pleasure and I ended up on the kitchen floor, shaking. Hehe. Well well. Yes, I'm a naughty naughty girl.

Yay, we've finally cleared 80% of the junk and mess in puppy's bedroom. After 3 weekends of hard labour, his room is clean and tidy! I'll spare you the details of the exhaustive and quite disgusting exercise. Everytime we pulled something out from a shelf, clouds of dust would send us into sneezing and coughing fits. Anyway, we went shopping for new pillows, thirsty hippos etc. We'll drop by Ikea next to spice up his room. Now, the energies can flow... out with all that negative energy! Puppy just rolls his eyes whenever I talk about energy flows. Hehe. But really, the place is lighter, cleaner and less depressing. :)

don't you know that when you sleep with somebody, your body makes a promise? - julie (cameron diaz in vanilla sky)

really? well not, if you're capable of detaching your body from your emotions. hmm. whoever said one-night stands were evil and sinful? hate it when people make you feel all guilty, just because they've got self-righteous prudish morals. not that i've had a one-night stand lah.

anyway, there are one-night stands that turn out great. in fact, i even know someone who married her one-night stander. they got together for an awful one-night stand; i can imagine, you're all nervous, all jittery and *gasp* he's got a hairy back. hehe. they didn't see each other again till months later at a concert with thousands of other concert goers and they bumped into each other not once, but twice. they talk geek on the train back home and few months later, decided that they were right for each other. awwwwwwwwwww so sweet. all that in new york new york.

why do we have such boring love stories here in singapore? haha.

When he calls me kitten, kitten.
Soft and low I say yes, yes, what is it my love?
He says nothing, not really, just wanted to hear
Your kitten voice to know you are near.

as i wish to listen to the sound of the earth spinning------------------------

i've started a new blog: sweet catatonia- feeling part creative, part rebellious, part boredom, part whim...

note: apparently the coding for sweet catatonia only works properly with IE, so if you're using safari or mozilla, it'll look warped. editing the codes now... ... ...

Lift an eye. A glance. Hold it there. There there.

Sandy Vagina - a term coined by Amos, or did he? for young angry women. Me have a sandy vagina too... sometimes.

Anyway, I was in a philosophy class when Dr. Kenneth Tan made that comment - The Vagina Is a Dustbin. More to evoke us, to enrage the women. But on second thought really, it just likens the penis to a rotten banana. Hehe.

I got a little snappy when I was ogling hiking boots and Amos commented that women belong in the kitchen and that he'll buy me an apron. I snapped back, well, you're not fulfiling your traditional role either so why should I? Sorry, dear. But comments like that aren't very nice. Bitch mode is on auto mode, so step on my pretty little paws and you get scratched. Meeeoooww!

What is traditional or normal anyway?

Pleasure.Delayer.

Since, I'm not really in the mood to work - damn jialat right... I shall write more. Radiohead's Kid A has been in my cd player for almost 3 months and I'm still not sick of it. Excellent album... Favourite albums include Radiohead's OK Computer/Kid A, The Cardigans' Gran Turismo, Texas' White on Blonde... etc etc. Missing the Coldplay concert. It's too darn expensive, Amos won't pay for his ticket cos it's not the Beatles and I'll hafta fork out over $200++ to see Chris Martin the size of a toothpick. Damn. I was going to click buy tickets and held back. Rationality saved me $200++... The cheaper alternative would be to grab the concert dvd. Haha. That happens when you start earning your own money and your daddy decides not to spoil his daughters any longer. Damn.

Think Daddy is pissed with me. Daddy's girl gone astray. I don't believe in God anymore or Jesus or whatever. Church is a drag. Life is a drag. Oh no, I'm doing one of my rants again. Sigh. And I'll blame your for everything I cannot control. I'm not a workaholic like him. He's a perfectionist. He's a child that functions only when he smokes. I'm evil. I do love my daddy, but daddy's such a nag. I really do need to move out. Hmm...

Interesting weekend... watched Joyeaux Noel over at Des' place - the 1914 Christmas truce between the Germans, French and Scottish during WWI. Then after adjourned for the World Cup opening match - was hoping Costa Rica would upset the Germans and with the german's sloppy playing, I was quite jittery, jumping at every near strike. But anyhow, football doesn't excite me as much as being in a hiking store - yes, it's awfully ludicrous but I love going to hiking stores, it almost turns me on to see those gorgeous boots and socks, pants, jackets, walking poles, bags, all those purpose-built hiking gear, nicks and nacks. Me. Crazy.

Saturday - we met up with Amos' vegetarian friends from New York. Brought them to Annalakshmi. Yummy! Jasmin's a total eco-girl, read her blog - Worsted Witch - I like the idea of being connected to people around me, people beyond, to the environment etc but not to the extent of berating others when they're not as eco. It's frustrating I know, when I tell people not to take plastic bags and they brush it off... they don't think about the consequences of their actions, consumer dollars etc. I'm guilty too! Buying $200 wallets, $300++ boots, eating meat when I preach vegetarianism, yaddah yaddah yaddah. But moderation is a good way to go. You can't change everyone's habits overnight. Hmm... I'll continue the eco rant later.

We picked up 2 dvds - May and Vanilla Sky... May being Amos' choice and Vanilla Sky, mine. Been looking for VS for a while. The reviews seem awfully bad but I like it a lot! I had initially watched it on a pirated vcd and the cd went bonkers just before Tom jumped off. *eeks* And I never knew the ending, well there's not much of an ending anyway after I watched the whole thing yesterday. It also had Tilda Swinton! It also opened with Radiohead's Everything in its Right Place. Ooh lala. Anyway, am looking for the original Amenabar version. I thought it was very Buddhist, the movie. Have to watch it again and think about it more... Am also looking for Robert Altman's The Company, the version that is currently in the stores doesn't have English subtitles!

Went to Bukit Timah Hill yesterday morning to train for Ophir trip. Ooh, fitness is quite low. Quite stressful cos Amos' friends are like the biathlon-types. They looked like they were taking a stroll in a park while you could see Amos' face cringe at the bottom of every flight of stairs. Hehe. We should be fine. It's another month till Ophir...

I'm back into my frustrated moody mode. Much as I wish I was calm, content and accepting as all yoga teachers are supposed to be, I'm just an awful failure. Or maybe I'm just human and shouldn't be too hard on myself. I have all these high almighty expectations of myself and what I can do, and somehow when the mood takes over, I crumble into cookie bits. Frustrating! I'm such an unsatisfied little cat. I want to do so much. Been thinking of taking a year off to do some volunteer work in Thailand, Cambodia, Nepal etc. Feel terribly weisted here in a museum. Haha.

Things at work are looking up, been assigned a big project! Yay! Hungry... need to look for food...

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-p resident with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Picked this pic off the net couple of months back and didn't realise till today, that it made reference to Leonardo's The Last Supper. Hehe.

That there
That's not me
I go
Where I please
I walk through walls
I float down the Liffey
I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here

In a little while
I'll be gone
The moment's already passed
Yeah it's gone
And I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here

Strobe lights and blown speakers
Fireworks and hurricanes
I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here

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We shall not cease from our exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

Little Gidding, T. S. Elliot