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♥ meddling with the grand plan. snip, snip.
★ maybe-marble
Oberon Theatre

"i think it's a mistake to lose one's sense of death, even one's fear of death. isn't death the boundary we need? doesn't it give a precious texture to life, a sense of definition? you have to ask yourself whether anything you do in this life would have beauty and meaning without the knowledge you carry a final line, a border or limit."

- white noise, don delillo

★ yuki-chan
Oberon Theatre

yuki pic

★ of the devil's party
Oberon Theatre

"we were the children of innocent consumerism and the inheritors of the freedoms won by our seditious elders in the late sixties. we had a free, superior and somewhat lazy education. we weren't much restrained by morality or religion. music, dancing and conscienceless fucking were our totems. we boasted that we were the freest there'd ever been."

- intimacy, hanif kureishi

★ everybody's doing it baby!
the village voice rotten tomatoes om improvement mOmentOm yOga camper iD magazine ontological-hysteric theatre mazzy star green plastic radiohead official radiohead tour de france lance armstrong sex and the city baylene feminist sf and fantasy atheist quotes go fug yourself buy cheap marie claire! ted design*sponge unstudio 2modern

★ unaccounted for
stpi sculpture square nus museum ps1 tate britain british sculpture zadok ben-david gilles massot ong kim seng dia:beacon guggenheim museums burning man royal academy of art the state hermitage museum new york museums tara mcpherson

★ the propellerheads
"when i was a kid i used to pray every night for a new bicycle. then i realised that the lord doesn't work that way so i stole one and asked him to forgive me."

★ nada, nada, nada
July 2004
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January 2006
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January 2007
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February 2008
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November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009

★ thanks
Skin by szemay at szemay94
CODE by seisha pullthetrigger at blogskins.

The City & The Stars
Monday, February 27, 2006 @ 3:14 PM
I have the day off today! ;)

9.00am Wake up
9.30am Breakfast with Amos
10.30am Read newspapers (I haven't read the newsies in the longest time!)
11.00am Warcraft
1.00pm Swimming with Mel
2.30pm Lunch with Mel
3.00pm Back home

......

Shower
Watch a movie
Read
Warcraft
Sleep

......

Speaking_One
Tuesday, February 21, 2006 @ 5:43 PM
I'm writing bits of a short story (hopefully it gets finished, eventually). Excerpt from chapter one:

"Minutes tick, with every movement of the clock she is falling quietly into oblivion. Her mind wanders. Her fingers slightly blue and hardened from the non-doing. Again she contemplates, what is the purpose? But there is no purpose and she sighs softly again for fear of being heard by fellow colleagues. Appearance matters, a cool composure essential. Today, as she was whispering to him, again for fear of being overheard, she admitted that she loved him. But we shall digress for a few moments. He tried to persuade her to take the day off. She explained that doctors only gave days off when you are having a flu or cough or fever, something visible. She wondered if she could be that honest, to tell her doctor, fuck working, I want to go home, curl up in my safe haven and sleep. All her days off from the doctors are fake. She tries to make up some plausible symptom but always have that nagging feeling that they see right through her, going hmm, yeah right, while they prod her belly. She whispers loudly again. He misses the point and they say their goodbyes. There goes by another day. And then lunch.

The office is quiet. Apart from tearing paper and people complaining about their miserable lives, there is nothing new. She has lost the resolve to be happy and has contemplated again that maybe suicide may not be a bad idea. Life is not free from suffering. We cannot escape it. Samsara. She does not have the time to gain enlightenment. Maybe, hmm, so if the soul is an eternal being but does not remember its past life, suicide does not seem like a bad idea. Let the next consciousness deal with the shit. She has given up and is walking away. Leave the shit, leave the unhappy people, leave it all. Is it not grand?"

Migration
Saturday, February 18, 2006 @ 12:00 PM
Fondest memories of living in Seattle:

- grocery shopping
- doing the laundry
- keeping my mini apartment clean
- studying
- beating my American classmates at essays (hehe)
- travelling

All points to the fact that I should move out of the house. But to where? I pretty much love my room in its current state. And it is too darn expensive to move out. In fact, it is so comfortable (tv, dvd, cable, space for yoga & meditation, toilet, books, computer, sofa, bed, music) that there is no need to leave the room at all.

In the future, we will be able to climb mountains, picnic at the beach, meet friends from the bedroom. I asked Amos last night, so when are we going to meet F & D for dinner? Whatever for, he says, I meet them online all the time. Doh. So what can we expect from the future? The same story. Humans never learn. That's why we're still stuck in samsara even after centuries of pain and suffering. Hell, even Buddha might have gotten it wrong. I dare not think.

So what happens on this Saturday? Pretty much the same as every other Saturday I've lived. More than a quarter of my life has passed and yet... there are no answers. Only more questions. Why why why.

Grid
Wednesday, February 15, 2006 @ 5:56 PM
Life has steadied itself into a more or less predictable calm. Am skipping yoga tonight in favour of warcraft. Tsk tsk. Did not manage to play last weekend because Amos was stuck in a 5 hour instance while I sat gooey-eyed next to him feeding him pears and dried-out mandarin oranges. So tonight, I shall indulge. I shall run quests, slay beasts and humanoids, learn spells and meet strangers. Amos' 5 hour instance did really turn me gooey-eyed. He fried my brain too! That night, I turned over to him and said half-asleep, "You want gold?" (You use gold to trade in warcraft) Haha. Shit! I meant to say, "You want the blanket?" - I tend to hijack the blanket. He goes, "You want gold?" all the time now.

We had a little argument over my mumbo jumbo nonsense last night. He claims I'm irrational and illogical. I said he was arrogant. ;p But it worked out fine. Valentine's Day somemore.

He's done with Jutta's website! URL: Jutta-Jewelry She makes her own jewellery; huge ornate pieces that we poor asians with our delicate tiny neck and shoulders can't carry off. She gave Amos a moonstone/turquoise necklace. That was my Valentine's Day pressie. Haha. Will post pics later on. Pearl said it looked chunky on me and Mel didn't like it. Whatever! Haha.

Friday, February 10, 2006 @ 2:51 PM
"Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you'll realize that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself."

Lovely Other Dinosaur
Thursday, February 09, 2006 @ 9:38 PM
Haha... cannot recall how old i was but i recall becoming fascinated with my mother's wedding dress. Me in her dress posing in my grandma's house. Aren't i adorable??? Hehe.




@ 3:07 PM
Call out Gouranga be happy!
Gouranga Gouranga Gouranga
That which brings the highest happiness...

I'm tired. Sleep tonight.
@ 9:34 AM
"I've lost my way. Washed out to sea. I'm lost at sea. Come back to me. Come back to me. Don't bother me."

was caught in a massive jam on the aye today. terrible throbbing headache. mind in overdrive. body in auto mode. woke up with a sprained ankle! the side of my right foot is swollen and sore. i don't recall twisting it. hmm.

was looking at the radiohead - kid a album and saw this red face staring at me through the jagged edges, in the middle of where you put the cd in. hmm. strange. i took the case apart and hidden inside the cd case was a booklet! woh. after so many years... the booklet has sketches, drawings and writings by the band members. so cool ah!

i discovered there is such a thing as christian meditation! and quite a big following in singapore too. so strange! haha. must go and find out more.

blood all over the bathroom
i have born a monster
he did some of his card tricks
for the mafia geeks

i sat in the cupboard
and wrote it down
strangled, beaten up,
we are cabbage patch gibbering dolls

for christmas, i got you a prepacked newborn slave
to serve your every need
no blood no mess
just reheat

Monday, February 06, 2006 @ 11:23 AM
Moral injunctions of Gestalt therapy:

1. Live now, stay in the present.
2. Live here, be with the present.
3. Stop imagining, experience reality.
4. Stop unnecessary thinking.
5. Express, rather than manipulating, explaining, justifying, or judging.
6. Give in to unpleasantness do not restrict your awareness.
7. Accept no "should" or "ought", other than your own.
8. Take full responsibility for your own actions, feelings and thoughts.
9. Surrender to being who you are right now.

New Blog!
Thursday, February 02, 2006 @ 11:55 AM
New blog in the process of being set up! Hehe. In homage to my WoW character, Alyah Ai Edondurath

Role-playing is so fun! Hehe. Trying to construct Alyah's world but will take some time... Maybe it'll be the next Tolkein! Wahaha!

WoW!
Wednesday, February 01, 2006 @ 10:14 PM
my bf is turning me into a geek! ah!!! he got me playing world of warcraft two weekends ago and have been hooked on it so far. will pass him the difficult missions with ugly horrible monsters though. i was given a siamese cat today! so now i have a kitty as my pet! yay! its really difficult to get kittens as only "humans" get them. i'm a shaman troll named Alyah. wanted the name "alia" after paul muadib's sister in dune but the name's been taken. i'm level 12 now. 48 more to go to level 60. haha. will take damn long. amos took a few months! here are some screenshots of my character dancing and also of a letter sent by my lover, Chamankaga ie. Amos. wahaha! He is a Tauren Druid.